Proverbs 31 Magazine

[{'base': u'', 'type': 'text/html', 'value': u'by LeAnn Rice

Thirteen years ago, I watched as a hospital bed was rolled into my living room. What an unlikely place for a bed. What an unlikely bed for my husband. Ron was young, athletic, my best friend, the love of my life and the absolute joy of our three-year-old son, Nick. How could this be?

Fragile days of hearing his raspy breathing became my \u201cin between.\u201d Life would soon be defined with the painful qualifiers of \u201cbefore Ron died\u201d and \u201cafter Ron died.\u201d I hated that. I wanted to make these in between days rich with last conversations, last kisses and last memories. But Ron\u2019s condition deteriorated too quickly and every \u201clast\u201d slipped by without regard to my desperate heart. Then I was alone.

Questions nagged. How would I raise our little boy alone? Who would play catch with him? Who would teach him to shave? Who would model a good husband and father to him?

Most people have a close support network \u2026 a soft place to land when facing such a loss. Not me. Physical distance separated me from my mother and in-laws, and differences in viewpoints created emotional distances with other family members. As a result, my landing place felt more like shards of glass. And it hurt.

Everything hurt.

Everything cut deeply with no concern for me being very alone.

Since then, I\u2019ve walked through valleys I never thought I could survive. But I did. Finally, love for my son, Nick, helped me move on.

It broke my heart to think of spending holidays alone without family around. There would be no big birthday celebrations, and Thanksgiving dinner is quiet with just two. I missed the big traditional holiday celebrations. I even missed the noise and the mess. I didn\u2019t want Nick to grow up without those memories. Clearly, we needed a family. But it wasn\u2019t going to look like a traditional family.

The most valuable lesson I\u2019ve learned in those 13 years is that marriage certificates and blood relation are not the only things that make a family. Over the years, God sent people to fill the empty spaces in our lives and in our hearts. But I didn\u2019t let them in easily.

When you experience a tragic loss due to death or betrayal, it is hard to trust again. I was certain that any investment of my heart would return void. But there was one thing stronger than my fear of being hurt \u2026 my fear of betrayal \u2026 my fear of loss. I was motivated by my love for a little brown-haired boy who needed godly male influence, and a loving family with whom to celebrate life\u2019s events \u2013 big and small.

God saw our needs, and over time, brought different people into our lives, each filling an empty space left by death, betrayal or simply the physical distance of 2,800 miles. I faced my fear of being hurt again, and slowly cracked open the door of my heart to allow these amazing people in.
Somehow God created a family by knitting our hearts together. My small \u201cfamily\u201d consists of people who love each other unconditionally, support and encourage each other, sit beside each other\u2019s hospital beds, hold each other accountable and share in every achievement, failure and pain.

Do we look alike? Not so much. But we do share the same heart. Thankfully, God has given me a soft place to land.