Protecting the Oneness in Marriage
By: Renee Swope
[{'base': u'', 'type': 'text/html', 'value': u'By Melanie Chitwood
A perfect Saturday in the past would have included sleeping in, watching my sons play basketball, enjoying a meal cooked by someone else, and watching a ball game on TV. Over the course of this year, however, my idea of a perfect Saturday has changed. This past Saturday exemplifies what is now typical, and ideal, for our family. After watching our sons\u2019 games, my husband and I spent the remainder of the day working side-by-side at our family-owned business. My husband Scott handled the various activities of the volleyball tryouts and basketball leagues taking place at our indoor gym, while my main job consisted of sitting by his side.
Could Scott have handled the day\u2019s responsibilities without me? Absolutely. However, I\u2019ve learned that working alongside Scott at our business is one way I can nurture the oneness God wants us, and every married couple, to experience.
In Matthew 19:6, Jesus says, \u201cSo they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate\u201c (NAS). God says a married couple becomes \u201cone flesh\u201d on the day they marry, and then they work out that oneness all the days of their lives. God intends husbands and wives to know each other and be known intimately in all ways, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
All the good habits we practice in marriage are like little stitches strengthening the fabric of oneness in our marriage. When the stress of life pulls against the seams, then we discover the strength or weakness of our marriages. If we\u2019ve only sewn a few stitches, challenges will rip the seams apart. On the other hand, if we\u2019ve spent days and years sewing small stitches in the fabric of our marriage, we\u2019ll find that it will hold up under life\u2019s pressures.
How can those of us who are married strengthen our oneness? Here are some practical ways to do this:
Consider your priorities. During our wedding ceremony 18 years ago, our pastor encouraged Scott and me to make time to date one another. At the time, I thought, Of course, time together will always be a priority! Eighteen years later, however, I know how easily other matters, such as jobs, kids, financial burdens, busyness, hobbies and stress can threaten oneness in marriage.
One way I determine if I\u2019m living according to my priorities is to ask myself this question: Who or what is getting my best time and energy? It\u2019s easy to say our husbands are a top priority, but we need to be honest about how much time and energy we really devote to our marriages. What are you doing to be your husband\u2019s friend? Do you make physical intimacy a priority, or are you too worn out from other activities by the time you go to bed?
Consider your heart. Proverbs 4:23 cautions us, \u201cGuard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life\u201d (NLT). Whatever is in our hearts will eventually be reflected in our actions. Our hearts must be first committed to God and secondly to our spouses. Ask God to show you anything in your heart that is a barrier to closeness with your husband. Has unforgiveness or bitterness toward him taken root? Have disappointments or frustrations spilled over to harshness or coldness? Spend time with God confessing your sins and asking Him to create a clean heart in you.
Consider your thoughts. If you\u2019re like me, you\u2019ve probably had times where you\u2019ve rehashed your spouse\u2019s hurtful or angry words. Or maybe you\u2019ve compared your husband to another man and found your husband coming up short. These thoughts do nothing but tear away at the stitches of oneness between you and your husband. The truth is that you and your husband are both sinners in need of grace from God and need to extend grace toward each other. Be careful that you don\u2019t dwell on the worst qualities of your spouse; instead remind yourself of the reasons you love him and say a prayer of thanks. Ask God to shape your thoughts toward your husband.
Consider your words. How do you speak to your best friend, sister or mother about your husband? Deter-mine to present him only in the best light. What words do your kids hear you speak? One of the sweetest things Scott does is constantly tell our sons how lucky they are to have me as their mother. That makes me feel loved, and in return I\u2019ve become more aware of my words about Scott to our children and others.
Consider your actions. Jesus Christ was a servant who laid down His rights for the sake of loving others. How can you be a vessel of Christ\u2019s love toward your spouse? Show your spouse your love by cheering him at his softball game, taking him to a movie he prefers, or having a good talk at the end of the day.
Prayerfully consider the various areas addressed here. Ask God to show you how you can strengthen the oneness in your marriage. You\u2019ll be glad you took time to sew some stitches today, knowing that the fabric of your marriage will hold tightly against the pulls and pressures of tomorrow.
Melanie Chitwood is wife to Scott, co-owner of Carolina Courts in Charlotte, North Carolina, and mother to Zachary and Tyler. She is a Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker, and the author of two books, \u201cWhat a Husband Needs from His Wife\u201d and \u201cWhat a Wife Needs from her Husband.\u201d To learn more about Melanie, visit her website at melaniechitwood.com.
Proverbs 31 Ministries is proud to announce the publication of Melanie\u2019s latest book, \u201cWhat a Wife Needs From Her Husband\u201d just released by Harvest House Publishers. This book and its companion \u201cWhat a Husband Needs From His Wife\u201d are available for a discounted price this month. Please see the back page of the magazine for ordering information.
Adapted from \u201cWhat a Husband Needs from His Wife\u201d and \u201cWhat a Wife Needs from her Husband.\u201d Published by Harvest House Publishers.', 'language': None}]
A perfect Saturday in the past would have included sleeping in, watching my sons play basketball, enjoying a meal cooked by someone else, and watching a ball game on TV. Over the course of this year, however, my idea of a perfect Saturday has changed. This past Saturday exemplifies what is now typical, and ideal, for our family. After watching our sons\u2019 games, my husband and I spent the remainder of the day working side-by-side at our family-owned business. My husband Scott handled the various activities of the volleyball tryouts and basketball leagues taking place at our indoor gym, while my main job consisted of sitting by his side.
Could Scott have handled the day\u2019s responsibilities without me? Absolutely. However, I\u2019ve learned that working alongside Scott at our business is one way I can nurture the oneness God wants us, and every married couple, to experience.
In Matthew 19:6, Jesus says, \u201cSo they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate\u201c (NAS). God says a married couple becomes \u201cone flesh\u201d on the day they marry, and then they work out that oneness all the days of their lives. God intends husbands and wives to know each other and be known intimately in all ways, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
All the good habits we practice in marriage are like little stitches strengthening the fabric of oneness in our marriage. When the stress of life pulls against the seams, then we discover the strength or weakness of our marriages. If we\u2019ve only sewn a few stitches, challenges will rip the seams apart. On the other hand, if we\u2019ve spent days and years sewing small stitches in the fabric of our marriage, we\u2019ll find that it will hold up under life\u2019s pressures.
How can those of us who are married strengthen our oneness? Here are some practical ways to do this:
Consider your priorities. During our wedding ceremony 18 years ago, our pastor encouraged Scott and me to make time to date one another. At the time, I thought, Of course, time together will always be a priority! Eighteen years later, however, I know how easily other matters, such as jobs, kids, financial burdens, busyness, hobbies and stress can threaten oneness in marriage.
One way I determine if I\u2019m living according to my priorities is to ask myself this question: Who or what is getting my best time and energy? It\u2019s easy to say our husbands are a top priority, but we need to be honest about how much time and energy we really devote to our marriages. What are you doing to be your husband\u2019s friend? Do you make physical intimacy a priority, or are you too worn out from other activities by the time you go to bed?
Consider your heart. Proverbs 4:23 cautions us, \u201cGuard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life\u201d (NLT). Whatever is in our hearts will eventually be reflected in our actions. Our hearts must be first committed to God and secondly to our spouses. Ask God to show you anything in your heart that is a barrier to closeness with your husband. Has unforgiveness or bitterness toward him taken root? Have disappointments or frustrations spilled over to harshness or coldness? Spend time with God confessing your sins and asking Him to create a clean heart in you.
Consider your thoughts. If you\u2019re like me, you\u2019ve probably had times where you\u2019ve rehashed your spouse\u2019s hurtful or angry words. Or maybe you\u2019ve compared your husband to another man and found your husband coming up short. These thoughts do nothing but tear away at the stitches of oneness between you and your husband. The truth is that you and your husband are both sinners in need of grace from God and need to extend grace toward each other. Be careful that you don\u2019t dwell on the worst qualities of your spouse; instead remind yourself of the reasons you love him and say a prayer of thanks. Ask God to shape your thoughts toward your husband.
Consider your words. How do you speak to your best friend, sister or mother about your husband? Deter-mine to present him only in the best light. What words do your kids hear you speak? One of the sweetest things Scott does is constantly tell our sons how lucky they are to have me as their mother. That makes me feel loved, and in return I\u2019ve become more aware of my words about Scott to our children and others.
Consider your actions. Jesus Christ was a servant who laid down His rights for the sake of loving others. How can you be a vessel of Christ\u2019s love toward your spouse? Show your spouse your love by cheering him at his softball game, taking him to a movie he prefers, or having a good talk at the end of the day.
Prayerfully consider the various areas addressed here. Ask God to show you how you can strengthen the oneness in your marriage. You\u2019ll be glad you took time to sew some stitches today, knowing that the fabric of your marriage will hold tightly against the pulls and pressures of tomorrow.
Melanie Chitwood is wife to Scott, co-owner of Carolina Courts in Charlotte, North Carolina, and mother to Zachary and Tyler. She is a Proverbs 31 Ministries speaker, and the author of two books, \u201cWhat a Husband Needs from His Wife\u201d and \u201cWhat a Wife Needs from her Husband.\u201d To learn more about Melanie, visit her website at melaniechitwood.com.
Proverbs 31 Ministries is proud to announce the publication of Melanie\u2019s latest book, \u201cWhat a Wife Needs From Her Husband\u201d just released by Harvest House Publishers. This book and its companion \u201cWhat a Husband Needs From His Wife\u201d are available for a discounted price this month. Please see the back page of the magazine for ordering information.
Adapted from \u201cWhat a Husband Needs from His Wife\u201d and \u201cWhat a Wife Needs from her Husband.\u201d Published by Harvest House Publishers.', 'language': None}]
About the Author
{'href': u'http://www.blogger.com/profile/04258797591709109230', 'name': u'Renee Swope', 'email': u'renee@proverbs31.org'}